Reality Check ?...NOOOO, I refuse, I'm still a designer !!

Aren't you tired of hearing: "You don't know what you have until you lose it?", I know, it sounds so cliche and almost dumb, but you know what?, I'm starting to believe that, I have been feeling like that lately. Today is tuesday, just the second day of the working week and I feel like it should be friday...tired, exhausted, drained...and once again, just like the past 13 weeks, I had my reality check.

I have tried all you can think of to deal with this "task" I have to do everyday, but with not much luck, it was hard, it is hard and each day is getting harder...

I keep hearing my loved ones saying: "Everything happens for a reason" (yes, another one of those...), but I still can't see, or understand, what that reason is...

Then I got the next good one: "If you are going through this is because you need to learn something from this experience" (yeap, another one of those...), but at this point (and I sadly have to admit), I was over it, tired of listening to all this everyday, I felt so alone, like no one was able to really understand what I was going through...I fought with myself, What am I learning from this? Ohhh yes, I'm learning a lot, I'm learning that I hate this, that I'm not good at it (and I thought I was good at everything LOL), that I'm getting sick because of it, I'm learning that I can spent night after night awake....great, great learning experience...

But you know what? It finally hit me, I did learn something from this, I AM ME, no one would change that, or damage that, not even the harder of jobs.

I am a designer, I am an artist, I need to create and be surrounded by beautiful things (even if they are not mine !! LOL)...I have a big necesity in my life, I need to be creative, to help others achieve their dream homes, kitchens, bathrooms, closets, doggy houses, whatever !!

This desk job, this little prision can't contain that, my days go by answering the phone, call after call, hearing people scream and fight all day and I just need to learn how to never forget this is just a phase, a learning phase, and here goes another good one: "This too shall pass..."

"You don't know what you have until you lose it?= Now I know, I took for granted my past job experiences in the design field and always had a reason to complain, now, I miss each one of them.

"Everything happens for a reason"= Now I now the reason, I had to lose what I love the most, to realize this was really my calling and not just a job.

"If you are going through this is because you need to learn something from it"= Yes, I am learning, I'm learning that I am not perfect, that I can't do everything, that I have a lot more to learn and most of all, I learned and realized what I really like to do and the way to go to better at it.

"This too shall pass"=YES, YES and YES, This is the best one, this is my faith, this is my strenght, this is my future...

Everyday is a journey, not one that I like, but I try and will keep trying, I just need to keep in touch with myself and with you guys, I need to channel my energy towards my inner self and soon, very soon, I will be free again...

PS. I want to thank my family, for being there for me, for giving words of wisdom even when I don't want to hear them, for loving me even when I know it's not an easy task...Thanks, I love you all.